Home

I have a quote hanging in my hallway that about sums up my feelings of home,  There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort. - Jane Austen

 Looking back over my life I admit I was the little kid that wanted to go home, sleepovers we're great but only at my home. I loved school but watched the clock for that magical moment when the big hand reached 12 and the little hand reached three. I was going home.

 Even now my friends and family are stunned when I'd rather have a weekend at home than an exotic trip. My heart years for home, when I'm weary or heartsick, content or happy. Home is always my destination.

 What is it about home? From my childhood it was a big old rambling house full of love, good food, my wonderful loud, ever growing family. I never knew who would be at the dinner table that evening, my parents understood community more than anyone I've ever known they made their house a home for so many. Our home was filled with love, prayer, great books, huge pots of warm soup and conversations that fed the soul. My family was extensive and as a child I couldn't differentiate between my blood family and my church family. Both of my parents came from big bustling families so aunts, uncles and cousins were many but my parents never met a need they didn't try to fill, so many young men and women, hungry for faith and family were adopted in. My parents didn't see color; my family was colorful, this was in the turbulent sixties and all around us there were race riots but in the warmth of our home I set on the laps and was sung to and read to by our dearest friend Mother Wells and listened in awe as Brother and Sister Richmond filled our home with their powerful melodic voices. I knew nothing about prejudice, this was my family.  Home was warm, safe, comfortable, peaceful, nourishing to body and soul and filled with love.

 A few years ago our family went through a very hard season and I found myself living in the most beautiful, gracious house of my dreams and nothing I could do would make it feel like home. I remember writing in my journal "I'm so heartsick, I'm homesick but I can't find home." Home is not a house it's a state of mind. I remember packing up and moving away from that grand old home with such joy to move back into a humble little house, full of love and memories.

  I just spent 10 days in a nursing home, it didn't smell good, it wasn't that comfortable, it was heart wrenching but I felt at home...home came to me in old familiar faces from my childhood, faces and voices that have loved me from my crib, holding me, weeping with my brother and I and bringing us casseroles. Home sat up all night with us holding our hands, home sang old songs of heaven with us at our sisters bedside, home held us together, Home held tight to us and wept with us. These same faces and voices held us together two other times as we sent our precious parents home and I knew then as I know now, these were not just my parents but my parents belonged to all of them too, just as I know she may be my blood sister but she was their sister too, my parents made us all family. I knew she felt at home too as crazy as that sounds...she was going home but already home as the sweet faces and voices of our faraway childhood lovingly sang the songs of longing for our real home. One day when we are all fully and wonderfully home will that longing be truly fulfilled I still love home but I know that this is just a foretaste of my real home, I'm so homesick for heaven.....for my real eternal home ...everything here we love is just a shadow of things to come. Jesus understood that longing we have in our soul for home; he said "I go to prepare a place for you." Our heavenly home will bring us the ultimate joy and comfort, it is then, we will find our place in the great heart of God, he is our ultimate longing.


  "I'd Never Miss Heaven for the World"

 Beyond the borders of time  There's a beautiful land
The Word of God, his glory unfurled
And by the grace of God I someday shall call it my home
I'd never miss Heaven for the world

 I'd never miss seeing Jesus
I'd never miss seeing loved ones,  Who've gone on before
I'd never trade forever for a few days down here
I'd never miss Heaven for the world

As for me and my house  We will serve the Lord
Though things of earth may try to allure
For the smile of God means more than sins brief glittering day
I'd never miss Heaven for the world
I'd never miss seeing Jesus  I'd never miss seeing loved ones Who've gone on before
I'd never trade forever for a few days down here
I'd never miss Heaven for the world  No, I'd never trade forever for a few days down here
  I'd never miss Heaven for the world.

Hungry

Today like any other Sunday...I went to worship you.
We worshiped, prayed, read our bulletin and watched the video announcements, hugged our neighbors to the left and to the right, and it was good.

Then settled in to hear your word, a fresh word, a good word and then
I heard the sound of eternity and with it a thousand emotions
and a ripping deep inide my soul, I've missed you like this.. for so long... I've been so hungry for you again like that, for ages it seems. I recognize the sound of revival and holy desperation grips me...I need you or I'm undone! How have we learned to live without your FIRE?

I will remember your wonders, I will tell of your goodness, I was lost in religiosity that day over a decade ago and you changed me forever. I know your voice I recognize your breath I want only you.

I rememeber that day so clear...
The 4 hour ride in the Sopchoppy First Baptist Van. Standing in line for nearly 8 hours, wondering, questioning, anticipation. Cheryl Dunlap, Cindy Wechter and I barely got in the building that night, realizing the main sanctuary was the place to be. We were seperated from our group three unlikely comrads, me; a spirit filled pastor's daughter and wife, Cheryl; a hungry baptist, and a single mom and Cindy; sweet, open and a student of the word. From the first touch of the keys on the keyboard I was gripped. Tears instantly filled my eyes as I watched the whole place erupt in worship. I just couldn't stop crying, I looked at Cindy and Cheryl we were all weeping we just stood there gripping each others hands tears rolling down our faces, we knew this was a holy moment.

The testimonies were alive, the preaching went like arrows to my heart. I had loved God all my life, I prayed, taught a ladies Bible Study, and read the word daily but I was so convicted of my sin and self righteousness that I nearly ran to the alter that night falling on my face, my heart breaking within me, rivers of tears, and a lifetime of misunderstandings from years in ministry washed away, such a strong hatred for my sin, such a passion for purity in my inner heart. forgiveness and love gripped me. I asked God to let me die on the floor that night, My prayer was "never let me be my old self ever again", I was forever changed. I've been to camp meetings and alters all my life, I've experianced the ups and downs, valleys and mountains, I'm no stranger to God's presence but this was different. I was shaking in his presence I was keenly aware of my shame and sin and I was desperate to be cleansed by his blood. It was a holy fear, yet an exilerating awareness that he was here, he was so so real and he was looking at ME. He was searching my heart, finding it full of the world, unforgivness, bitterness, self righteousness and hearbreaking sins that had seperated me from my greatest love. But he wasn't looking at me in disappointment or disgust but in love and the most beautiful merciful way he was holding me bathing me in love and acceptance, cleansing but as the tearss flowed and I heard my voice crying, weeping, sobbing, I knew he was also healing me. Grace and peace like mighty rivers, rushed through me.

Then we made our way back to our seats and looked down from our balcony seats all of us were shaken and in awe yet a bit aprehensive somehow we knew this was unlike anything we had ever experienced before, our lives were shaken to the core.