Hungry

Today like any other Sunday...I went to worship you.
We worshiped, prayed, read our bulletin and watched the video announcements, hugged our neighbors to the left and to the right, and it was good.

Then settled in to hear your word, a fresh word, a good word and then
I heard the sound of eternity and with it a thousand emotions
and a ripping deep inide my soul, I've missed you like this.. for so long... I've been so hungry for you again like that, for ages it seems. I recognize the sound of revival and holy desperation grips me...I need you or I'm undone! How have we learned to live without your FIRE?

I will remember your wonders, I will tell of your goodness, I was lost in religiosity that day over a decade ago and you changed me forever. I know your voice I recognize your breath I want only you.

I rememeber that day so clear...
The 4 hour ride in the Sopchoppy First Baptist Van. Standing in line for nearly 8 hours, wondering, questioning, anticipation. Cheryl Dunlap, Cindy Wechter and I barely got in the building that night, realizing the main sanctuary was the place to be. We were seperated from our group three unlikely comrads, me; a spirit filled pastor's daughter and wife, Cheryl; a hungry baptist, and a single mom and Cindy; sweet, open and a student of the word. From the first touch of the keys on the keyboard I was gripped. Tears instantly filled my eyes as I watched the whole place erupt in worship. I just couldn't stop crying, I looked at Cindy and Cheryl we were all weeping we just stood there gripping each others hands tears rolling down our faces, we knew this was a holy moment.

The testimonies were alive, the preaching went like arrows to my heart. I had loved God all my life, I prayed, taught a ladies Bible Study, and read the word daily but I was so convicted of my sin and self righteousness that I nearly ran to the alter that night falling on my face, my heart breaking within me, rivers of tears, and a lifetime of misunderstandings from years in ministry washed away, such a strong hatred for my sin, such a passion for purity in my inner heart. forgiveness and love gripped me. I asked God to let me die on the floor that night, My prayer was "never let me be my old self ever again", I was forever changed. I've been to camp meetings and alters all my life, I've experianced the ups and downs, valleys and mountains, I'm no stranger to God's presence but this was different. I was shaking in his presence I was keenly aware of my shame and sin and I was desperate to be cleansed by his blood. It was a holy fear, yet an exilerating awareness that he was here, he was so so real and he was looking at ME. He was searching my heart, finding it full of the world, unforgivness, bitterness, self righteousness and hearbreaking sins that had seperated me from my greatest love. But he wasn't looking at me in disappointment or disgust but in love and the most beautiful merciful way he was holding me bathing me in love and acceptance, cleansing but as the tearss flowed and I heard my voice crying, weeping, sobbing, I knew he was also healing me. Grace and peace like mighty rivers, rushed through me.

Then we made our way back to our seats and looked down from our balcony seats all of us were shaken and in awe yet a bit aprehensive somehow we knew this was unlike anything we had ever experienced before, our lives were shaken to the core.