I Did Not Recognize You

I came at daybreak,
My hands shaking, My heart broken,
All hope lost.....Emptiness
heart wrenching grief.
A darkness inside me, that could not be dispelled.

I watched him die.....
He who said I shall never die.
I witnessed him bleed and suffer in unmentionable ways.
I saw his shame but I could not turn away.
I was stricken by grief and disbelief.
Why why why?
My heart, soul and mind scream within me
a primal pain and a dark foreboding fear ripping through my soul.

Doubt, ugly dark doubt...
Is he who I thought he was?
For the first time since he set me free.
Looked deep into my eyes, heart, soul and my mind.
I doubt him but I cannot leave him
and I unequivocally cannot deny him my love and passion.

And so I watch him fail me now.
My healer cannot heal himself.
my deliver cannot be delivered!
I wanted to run to hide my eyes from the greatest injustice
The greatest evil of earth.
The love of my life, the hope of all mankind.
The only Truth I know, the only future I believe in DIE.

I thought he had come to rule.
To set things right, to triumph over evil.
He heals the sick, raises the dead Why is he still hanging there?
Than the earth groans and the heavens shake.
My heart skips within me this is it.
All will see his power now!
Wait what is he saying? I strain to hear my heart bursting within me
Oh the possibilities....My feet are ready to run
my mouth is anxious to proclaim again his wonders.
I am waiting to rejoice. This is crazy he will not die I tell myself.
"It is finished!" he says.
What does this mean?
NOW He's coming down from that cruel cross to bring justice I am sure.
But he hung his head and died.

I stood gripped by disbelief
reeling with shock NO NO NO
This is not how it ends.
It's over! It's finished, this is it?
This is what I've been living for?
All light left me, unshakable confusion, fear even anger.
tears blinded me and heart wrenching pain overtook me.

I could not eat, or sleep or even think.
My tears are endless my grief unbearable.
I cannot accept this death this finality
It killed my hopes, my dreams, passion, all love and my belief system.
EVERYTHING GONE IN A DAY!

So now I find myself
confused, hurting and broken.
But loving him even more, grieving for him, weeping for him
vowing never to forget him.
So I come early to lovingly prepare his body. My last act of devotion,
to anoint with spices the anointed one.

The tomb is empty....
someone has stolen him and stolen from me,
my goodbyes, my savior. Oh where have they taken him?
I breakdown in tears, anguish and fatigue.
I'm totally empty now nothing left to cling to.
I collapse..... " Woman why are you crying?"
What an insane question isn't it obvious? I've lost everything.
I weep, I cry like a child They've taken my lord away."
Mary, Mary the words cannot register.
My mind is too numb, my grief too real
I cannot recognize him!
I am so consumed by grief I DO NOT RECOGNIZE HIM.
I am so busy grieving over my past I cannot see him in my present!
Cannot believe him for my future!
MARY! Wait I know this voice, I know this tone.
TEACHER!

Tears, this time of relief,
this time of release.
I once more run to him and cling to him
HE IS ALIVE! HE IS ALIVE! HE IS ALIVE!
And he spoke my name again.
He spoke MY name again!!!