You Just Never Know

Jace called me a couple of weeks ago.
He's a friend and gifted worshiper and lead singer for the
band The Ember Days. His voice is always welcome.
In a beautiful New Zealand accent He asked How are you?
I've come to hate that question but from him it's so genuine.
He really wants to know, to pray no doubt.

I met him and his amazing wife and talented band last year,
Also unexpectedly. We were running a music venue.
I was tired, burned out and questioning my sanity
in even endeavoring to run a venue.
I was caught up in hosting the band for the night Showbread.
The Red Door Venue had been much more work and disappointment than
I had bargained for. I had seen so much from these kids the really good and the really BAD.
The hurt the despair, loneliness, anger and even rage.
I'd been overwhelmed by the bands that were disrespectful and enticed the kids to
the lust of this world sometimes after a set I'd go out back and just cry.
The atmosphere sometimes, a lot of times just felt dirty.

I was excited this night because I knew Showbread was there with one purpose
to reach these kids I'd come to love so much.
Out in the back parking lot as the bands unloaded I greeted each of them
Showbread was touring with an unknown band to me The Ember Days.
As I introduced myself to them and listened to their smooth and lovely accents
I felt peace. I still went over the rules because you never know, I've had "Christian" bands
behave badly. They stood smiling as I recited our rules no cursing or encouraging others to curse, no obscene lyrics, no drugs or alcohol on premises etc etc etc..

I was in the staff lounge when they took the stage the night.
As soon as Janell hit the first note on the keyboard
The atmosphere changed, people stopped talking I walked into a room
That had changed no one was goofing off or talking all eyes were fixed on the stage.
I looked around at my exhausted volunteer staff mostly kids themselves.
Tears were welling up in eyes some just sat with eyes closed against the walls silently weeping.
We could hear the sound of eternity, It felt as though the whole venue and everyone in it was being bathed and cleansed, It was more than just refreshing
It was healing. It was one of those few moments in life where you really do collide with eternity.
God was there, love was there and peace unbelievably sweet restful peace was there.

We took them home with us along with Showbread
(who was also more amazing than I had hoped) We stayed up almost all night.
I was hungry for friendship and fellowship. We had connected and I was refreshed.
They called almost every week, Jason, Janell, Matt, Tim and Jordan
They listened, cared, prayed and shared with us.
I was going through tough times and the calls were like water to my soul.

So here they were on the phone again. asking the question I always dreaded
So I poured out my heart, my struggles my heartbreak in losing The Red Door
My greatest battle in almost losing my beautiful daughter, all of it.
They listened and prayed and then told me they were coming our way.
We brainstormed and came up with the idea of a house show.
He asked if his friend Bradley Hathaway could come recite some poetry.
I didn't know who he was or care as long as Ember Days were playing.

Monday Night they arrived I moved furniture out to make room for the kids who were coming.
Kids I hadn't seen in months that used to be my daily life. I was very nostalgic as I baked cookies and cakes and made vats of tortilla soup for everyone, this is my gift and I've missed it so much.
I love having a hectic, busy and loud house full of teenagers
Why on earth I don't know but I love them, their noise and their energy.
I knew it would be bitter sweet and would leave me as quickly as it came feeling lost.

They arrived and it was a happy flurry of activity as the kids also started arriving, parking was crazy and we probably all wouldn't actually fit into one room so every room was full to bursting.
Bradley Hathaway was a bit late. He and his band were genuinely sweet and so thankful for the meal. I liked them but was hoping they wouldn't take too long so I could hear my friends play.

They were up first and the room was full people sitting everywhere standing in doorways, against the walls. He was a skinny, unassuming young man with long hair and no shoes on, he sat on a chair his face was almost beautiful and wistful. Then he opened his mouth and we were blown away It was unexpected, he bared his soul in poetry and prose.It was almost uncomfortable it was so intimate, his struggles and his love for God, nothing was covered he exposed his weakness and Christs strength. The anointing flowed I wasn't sure if a prophet or a
teacher or an extraordinary kid was sitting in my living room. Everyone was riveted and moved.
He last shared a poem called the hug I will enclose it at the end.
I stood listening in my kitchen and tears were streaming down my face as I watched the kids faces yearn with him for the reality of the closeness of Gods love.
It was another beautiful, healing moment and I watched my daughters faces
and I saw desire to love God like that, to express it so freely.
I saw my Ashton open her heart. It's been a long battle but she's starting to heal.
I am so grateful for the unexpected people God sends with the fresh new ways of expression.
I bought his book of poetry and read it in one sitting.
He is a voice of his generation, prophetic, haunting but soothing and uplifting.

We ended with The Ember Days the most beautiful and anointed intimate worship you can imagine. They sang Yearn, and much more and a new song with the lyrics "I come alive in your presence" the words struck me It is the only time I feel alive, It's such a real and simple truth.
My soul was filled, it was like refreshing rain, my heart was full of love for these precious
kids that I ache to reach with love and hope and purpose in Christ.
I don't know what the future holds I can only live one day at a time but It was a Beautiful Day.




Lyrics to The Hug Poem : Bradley Hathaway

I read about how you touched them and they were healed
Or even if someone just touched your cloak they were forever changed
You let a broken women bathe your feet in her tears
And you washed your best friend’s feet
I am just wondering though did you just ever hug people

I mean I know that it is a silly question and all I am sure you would have why wouldn’t you
But its one of those things that was never mentioned that got me thinking about it

And how whenever there was a touch from you sins were forgiven and sickness fell
I think I’m caught up in my sins last time I checked all my body parts were properly working, nothing special here
I am just a kid with a heavy heart these passing sunrises and sunsets

I don’t think our encounter would have ended up in the gospels or anything
Because all I really need is a hug
That is ok for me to imagine right
That’s not going to be conflicting with any sort of theology is it
Ok good, then hug me

But not one of these side ways one arm around the neck type hugs
Or the ghetto right hand clasp fists elbows to chest pit pat on the back back
Or you put your right arm over my right arm and I put my left arm over your left arm and we make this weird sort of diagonal thing
Nah none of those

BEAR HUG ME MAN
Take your old school carpenter arms and throw them over my upper body leaving my arms dangling underneath yours somewhere and I can barely move them because your squeezing so hard
But don’t pick me up and make my back pop because I hate it when people do that

And hold me, hold me here in your arms until I start to cry because
I WANT TO CRY
But I just can’t seem to do it on my own
I have been teary eyed once recently but not even enough for a drip down my cheek
Theres just hurt in my soul that needs to be purged so hold me in this hold pose until the pain is flowing from my eyes and nose
[ The Hug Poem Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]

I Did Not Recognize You

I came at daybreak,
My hands shaking, My heart broken,
All hope lost.....Emptiness
heart wrenching grief.
A darkness inside me, that could not be dispelled.

I watched him die.....
He who said I shall never die.
I witnessed him bleed and suffer in unmentionable ways.
I saw his shame but I could not turn away.
I was stricken by grief and disbelief.
Why why why?
My heart, soul and mind scream within me
a primal pain and a dark foreboding fear ripping through my soul.

Doubt, ugly dark doubt...
Is he who I thought he was?
For the first time since he set me free.
Looked deep into my eyes, heart, soul and my mind.
I doubt him but I cannot leave him
and I unequivocally cannot deny him my love and passion.

And so I watch him fail me now.
My healer cannot heal himself.
my deliver cannot be delivered!
I wanted to run to hide my eyes from the greatest injustice
The greatest evil of earth.
The love of my life, the hope of all mankind.
The only Truth I know, the only future I believe in DIE.

I thought he had come to rule.
To set things right, to triumph over evil.
He heals the sick, raises the dead Why is he still hanging there?
Than the earth groans and the heavens shake.
My heart skips within me this is it.
All will see his power now!
Wait what is he saying? I strain to hear my heart bursting within me
Oh the possibilities....My feet are ready to run
my mouth is anxious to proclaim again his wonders.
I am waiting to rejoice. This is crazy he will not die I tell myself.
"It is finished!" he says.
What does this mean?
NOW He's coming down from that cruel cross to bring justice I am sure.
But he hung his head and died.

I stood gripped by disbelief
reeling with shock NO NO NO
This is not how it ends.
It's over! It's finished, this is it?
This is what I've been living for?
All light left me, unshakable confusion, fear even anger.
tears blinded me and heart wrenching pain overtook me.

I could not eat, or sleep or even think.
My tears are endless my grief unbearable.
I cannot accept this death this finality
It killed my hopes, my dreams, passion, all love and my belief system.
EVERYTHING GONE IN A DAY!

So now I find myself
confused, hurting and broken.
But loving him even more, grieving for him, weeping for him
vowing never to forget him.
So I come early to lovingly prepare his body. My last act of devotion,
to anoint with spices the anointed one.

The tomb is empty....
someone has stolen him and stolen from me,
my goodbyes, my savior. Oh where have they taken him?
I breakdown in tears, anguish and fatigue.
I'm totally empty now nothing left to cling to.
I collapse..... " Woman why are you crying?"
What an insane question isn't it obvious? I've lost everything.
I weep, I cry like a child They've taken my lord away."
Mary, Mary the words cannot register.
My mind is too numb, my grief too real
I cannot recognize him!
I am so consumed by grief I DO NOT RECOGNIZE HIM.
I am so busy grieving over my past I cannot see him in my present!
Cannot believe him for my future!
MARY! Wait I know this voice, I know this tone.
TEACHER!

Tears, this time of relief,
this time of release.
I once more run to him and cling to him
HE IS ALIVE! HE IS ALIVE! HE IS ALIVE!
And he spoke my name again.
He spoke MY name again!!!

Wake Up Call

It's been a hectic morning for me.
Tonight is our first home prayer/fellowship meeting.
It also happens to be The National Day Of Prayer.
I've been rushing around cleaning.
Baking and just preparing.

The laundry is piling up again and Amber and her Father
leave tomorrow for a trip.
There's no time to be wasted.
As I'm putting Banana Bread into the oven to bake.
With a long mental list of chores still to be done,
The phone rings.

It's my middle (sensitive) daughter and I can hear tears in her voice.
This is her second call this afternoon.
She just started a new job after a year of being a full time student.
She couldn't have started at a worse time. she's working at a florist shop.
Mothers Day week is more than hectic, and everyone's much too busy to train her.

"Mom" she says "Do you have anything extra I can cook for a dinner for someone?"
I'm busy and exasperated And tell her this is no time to cook for her friends!
'It's our first prayer meeting and we're having food after and I'm too busy
and I do not need a mess to clean up.
There's a girl at work she tells me who is very poor and hungry.
She goes on to tell me that she met her three year old today and he was skin and bones.
They are living in an abandoned trailer,
with no electricity and only the food they can scrounge up.

I was silenced with this information.
What good am I doing planning for prayer and
cooking food for people who most likley have already eaten dinner?
I know God would rather have me feed the poor than simply pray for them.

I realized two things, First, even though we worry as parents.
Worry that we've actually raised mature, compassionate and loving children.
I had found this truth on a very unlikely day.
Second that she had taught me a lesson and unknowingly,
rebuked me and put my day back in focus.
What good is a home group or church,
if we can't reach out to the needy and broken around us?
So she's going to take them dinner and I'm so proud of her!